Stop Being Such a Pussy

The other night I was texting with a good friend of mine and comparing dating notes. I sent him this long whiny text reminding him about my last two real relationships and how now I’m really anxious and hesitant about dating and it's easier to just be alone. He replied, “Stop being such a pussy.”

First I’ll address the language- yes, “pussy” can be offensive. But this is my blog and I’m going to use some slightly offensive language sometimes. And it’s totally un-feminist. Yes, referring to a female organ as weak and using it as an insult is pretty uncool. But stop thinking about it literally and just let me use the word for the sake of quoting him.

I needed to get called out. So often we let fears and insecurities stop us. We make excuses. I’m totally worried about repeating past mistakes and about getting rejected. But you know what? I’m far from perfect, but I have a lot to offer. I’m pretty awesome in so many ways. If I know that and believe that for myself, then why should I care about what some guy might think about me?

I’ve been planning on going back to my hometown, Madison, to practice after I graduate. My family is there. I have a great network of friends there. It’s bike friendly, and dog friendly, and a great place to raise a family. I love the city. It’s comfortable and easy to plan on returning.

But I’ve always been attracted to the Pacific Northwest. So I’ve been toying with moving to Seattle or Portland or northern California after I graduate. I don’t know anyone out there. And I would go all by myself. And I’ve never been so far away from my family. And what if I don’t fit into my new neighborhood? And what if I get lost trying to get around? And what if I hate it? The whole idea is a little scary and overwhelming.

Am I being a pussy? What if I don’t go? What if I only do safe and easy things for the rest of my life and never explore anything new? What if I miss out on people, on experiences, and on educational opportunities because it’s uncomfortable?

The last two years I’ve made some big changes in my life and I’ve been thinking about the person I want to be. I’m going to meet new people and deal with possible rejection. I’m going to try new things even when I get a little overwhelmed. I’m going to blog and give people the opportunity to judge me.  I’m not going to let fear be part of my decision making process. I’m going to stop being such a pussy.