Happiness is a choice. Once I realized that, I realized that
every day is an opportunity to live full of love and joy. Being conscious of that has changed my life. I’m
becoming the person I want to be simply by choosing to be that person.
Meditation, nutrition, chiropractic, exercise,
gratitude… these are all tools to put my choice into action.
I’ve been in really low places a couple of times in my life. I’ve
had periods when I’ve been self-destructive. I don’t ever want to go back there. (That place scares me.) So much so that any dip in my mood makes me
analyze what’s going on in my life.
Why am I feeling this way?
What do I need to change? Do I need to cut out alcohol? Tell
my friends I love them more often? Meditate on opening my heart? Go for a long run
with my dog? Cut out the junk that's slipped into my diet? Get adjusted?
(Yes.)
But then I find myself being so hard on myself. I don’t even
let myself experience the negative. Lately I’ve been stressed and sad. Maybe I
have good reason to be. Maybe I’m blessed beyond belief and I should recognize
that. Maybe I can make the choice to feel this without the fear of slipping
down too deep?
I just might be big enough.
I want to sit in my melancholy. I want to let it take
me over. (Not forever, but for now.) I
want to feel the converse of joy. The opposite of bliss. I want to know that it’s
okay to be human. And that humans feel deep grief and sorrow. And cry. And mourn.
And for once, not to
be afraid of it.
My heart aches. Right now, that feels appropriate
and satisfying.
