Liar Liar

The people that are closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. They know what to say, they know where to poke, they know how to best salt a wound. That sucks.

But, so much worse than that, is when we are our own worst enemy. The things the outside world says and does can hurt, but the things we tell ourselves can be so much worse. When it comes to talking to me, I’m a big liar.

Lie #1: I am fat and ugly.

Lie #2: That mean note I wrote to Jennifer in middle school makes me a bad person for the rest of my life.

Lie #3: A box on the wall chiropractic practice will never work.

Lie #4: If it’s hard and scary I should just give up.

Lie #5:  I’m a huge failure because I couldn’t keep my marriage together.

Lie #6: I will just make the same mistakes over and over again.

Lie #7: What other people think matters.

Lie #8: I’m not smart enough.

Lie #9: I’m too little to be big.

Lie #10: I am anything less than love.

I’m not sure how to work with this. I know that identifying these as lies is a step in the right direction… And I know everyone speaks to themselves in damaging ways.  So how to stop? I’m not sure.

I am sure of many truths about myself. Is it a matter of the truths out weighing the lies? Or is there a way to really stop lying to ourselves?

I do know that I’m learning from my mistakes. I’m working every day at being big. And I know in my heart that I am love. Those are important truths.

Box on the Wall

Almost a year ago I was talking with a friend in the library about accepting insurance as a chiropractor. I’m not a fan of insurance and I’d rather not have it be part of my practice. But that leaves me with the issue of affordability. Her answer to my concerns? A box on the wall.

The seed was planted… and left alone as I listened to what other chiropractors were doing and why. Chiropractors have their reasons for accepting insurance; they have their reasons for a cash only practice. They have their reasons for signing up a patient for a yearlong care plan; they have their reasons for not. And all the while I feel a terrible unease about the disparity in health care access along socioeconomic lines.

Then last week in philosophy club “box on the wall” was brought up as a measure of the value patients place on chiropractic and the care they are receiving. It was argued that if patients are educated in what chiropractic is and are seeing results in their life then they will be willing to compensate the doctor appropriately. And the seed sprouted.

In that moment I decided to go for it. Will I be able to pay my rent? My student loans? Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “Don’t ever let money be a reason you don’t fulfill your destiny.” And when I told a professor of my decision he told me to be prepared to get paid in pies sometimes. As if I needed any more convincing.

Bartering would only make me more connected to the larger community. And a box on the wall would allow people to pay it forward (or backwards). It would allow others to pay as they are able. And yes, there will be people that take advantage of it. But it’s not about that.

If I have a problem with the disparity in health care along socioeconomic lines, if I want to be more fully incorporated into the community, if I believe that the universe will provide, if I live congruently… Then I will put a box up on the wall and allow each person I serve to value chiropractic.

As Dr. Joe Strauss put it, "Basically the use of this system has nothing to do with the character, the honesty, or the commitment of the patient. It depends upon the character and the love for humanity of the chiropractor."