Sacrifice

My church is doing a series on Gandhi’s Seven Social Sins. This week covered “Religion Without Sacrifice”.  Sacrifice is giving up something of value. Its opposite is holding onto something. The result of religion without sacrifice? Life without integrity.

That struck a chord. I don’t have a problem giving of myself. I’m not overly attached to money or material objects. Sacrifice isn’t something I thought I struggled with. But I do like to hold onto certain things. Mistakes I’ve made. Unreasonable expectations of myself. I keep old wounds close at hand so they can be easily revisited. Then, I build up walls to protect myself and safeguard my things. I’ve gotten in the habit of living this way.

It’s comfortable.

But I’ve started noticing that hoarding such things is preventing me from living the life I claim I want. It’s preventing me from living with integrity. It’s preventing me from being the person I know I am meant to be.

I no longer question if I can be big. I will be. I will make a difference in the lives of my patients. I will serve my community. I will contribute to the art, science, and philosophy of chiropractic. But to continue working towards this bigness, I need to live with integrity and honesty within my own self. That’s going to get uncomfortable.

But it’s not about me and my comfort. It’s about service. It’s about fulfilling my potential. Anything less would be a lie.

 Dictionary.com defines sacrifice as “the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.”

This is pressing. There is a higher claim. To be big… to follow my path… to have faith in my journey… Sacrifices will have to be made.

I Heart Wisconsin

I <3 Wisconsin.

I believe that happiness is a choice. I believe that gratitude and love are the keys to putting that choice into action. But I might be way too hard on myself.

Walker won Wisconsin.

My mom cried.

What did I do? I tried to talk her out of it. I tried to tell her that we can’t know the bigger picture and that things will work out. The universe will provide. She will be okay. My sister’s health insurance will be okay. Gay rights will be okay. Reproductive rights will be okay. And the fact that outside interests can buy an election in the state that I love will be okay. Then I went outside to cry where no one would see what a big hypocrite I am.

And today I’m punishing myself for being upset when what I should be is grateful that we have the right to vote. I should love thy neighbor, even thy Walker voting neighbor. I should trust that the universe will provide. I should remember the world is bigger and more complex than I can possibly understand.

I read Tolle, Strand, and Dyer and want to live by their messages. I am awed by humans like Jesus, Gandhi, and the Buddha. So I set goals for myself that focus on love, forgiveness, honesty, gratitude, and trust.

I aim for graciousness to the point I am disgusted with myself for ever wanting. I can’t forgive myself when I can’t let something go.  I hate myself when I struggle to love others. I am honest in so many arenas, but lie about some of the most basic aspects of myself.

I am human. I was created perfectly and am loved completely. So maybe it’s okay to cry sometimes? Maybe I need to love myself as well? Forgive myself? And if I could trust myself as well as the universe…

These are all great aspirations. Now the hard part is to not to be so hard on myself.